Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
