he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
