So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
