we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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