I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize