my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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