I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
