I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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