Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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