is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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