drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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