god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize