ugly people sure do ruin things
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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