singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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