quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
i out mim tonsoeep
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
