Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
