Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
