My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
