It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
we made out on top of his cat.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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