I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
