I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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