Are we in a gay sports bar?
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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