i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Terrible idea I love it
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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