the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Damn victory sex feels great
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
