I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
