By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
