Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
