he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
