did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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