He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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