so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
