You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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