worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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