Porn is love you can see.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
