Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
