We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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