sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
