does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
