woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I'm like, not good at living.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize