the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
