$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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