Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
