I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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