The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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