Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
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