The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
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