I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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