This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
