trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
We left the knife in your bed.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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