Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
