Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
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