Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Mom said you looked used
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
