how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
being pregnant is like rehab
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
