I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
When did angry sex become our thing?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Randomize
