I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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