drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
