I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
