Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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