We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
