i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
