Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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