You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
