I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
