youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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