our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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