I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Betty ford says i'm here all night
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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