Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
