im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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