Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
