Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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