Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
