the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
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