Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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