I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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