What a fucking waste of an outfit
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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