i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
