please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize