I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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