glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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