yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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