I heard we made out
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
