He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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