i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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