Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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