My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
