definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
