You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
