I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Randomize
