mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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