I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
