are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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