That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
