found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
