can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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