There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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