Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
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