i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
