so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
