ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Randomize
