i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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